First: A little something to set the mood.
Ladies, Gentlemen, and everyone in between, I present to you:
The Breakup song!
Now, this song has nothing to do with our relationship or how it ended.
I just really liked the song when we broke up.
Patrick, Aka: Peppermint (Pat = Patty = Peppermint Patty = Peppermint) and I broke up the same day that his parents told me they thought of me as family. Which I thought was a good revelation for them.
They chose Love, instead of Hate. Which is a step in the right direction.
Now, Pat seems to like summers being single. Cause we broke up once before. May of last year. We spent the summer fucking and spending most of our time together, but I let him call himself single until he tried to move into my dorm in September.
This time! We were in Colfax, and spending the night in his dad's office. We had just gotten back from subway.
I turned to him, and I asked, just out of the blue.
Are we ok?
I dunno. Maybe.
Obviously this worried me.
Maybe?
Yeah, I dunno. I'm gonna go play WoW
Uh, no you arn't. We're gonna talk about this. Do you still love me?
Honestly? I dunno.
Pause
No, I don't think so. No
So, with much tears (on his part) and silent anger (On my part) we ended the relationship.
We still talk.
Well, He still talks. When I wanna talk to him, he doesn't have the time, or he has to rush away. Or he's driving. He apparently does a lot of driving.
Just like always, it's on his terms, or it's not happening.
So mostly it's not happening.
I'm ok with this
Well initially I thought: how sudden! But clearly you had a reason to ask him if you were ok, so I guess it wasn't sudden for you.
ReplyDeleteTwo things strike me about your account, and maybe its just my skewed reading of it:
(1) silent anger-- are you angry at him for not knowing what he wants? or at least not having the maturity and responsibility to communicate with you *before* just breaking it off?
(2) "Im ok with this" -- ok because you realize that his uncertainty will just cause more pain, and thus better sooner than later? Or ok because you wanted out as well? (the latter is related to the former, so prob the same thing).
My last failed relationship (not that Ive had many) pissed me off, because things were going great for a while, and then it was just the course of 3 days to go from good to falling apart. Part of me wishes he had been more forthcoming with his problems, etc. and maybe we could've worked through them or something. People seem to be so quick to "decide for themselves" and then once that line has been crossed--there really is little anyone else can do.
Im glad youre ok, and it sounds like maybe there are some incompatibilities (at least right now in your lives) that need to be sorted out.
Much Love,
Steve
The Silent Anger was more that, after we decided it was over (we talked for a lot longer about what we were going to do that I mention here because I knew what the answer was from the very start) I didn't really show him how angry or disappointed or sad I was. I just went into the other room, closed the door, and blared that song for several hours.
ReplyDeleteThe second part was more that I am ok with not talking with him. Because he's kinda a prick now. The last time we spoke, he told me all about the guy he was fucking, and how much better looking he is now.
And as much as I wanna remain friends, that's not a price I'm willing to pay. I don't gloat to him about what I'm doing. When he asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I just tell him there are some possibility out there for me, and move on to something else.
I know what you mean about wishing people were more forthcoming. Whenever I would try to get Pat to talk about our problems, he would...I dunno, a panic attack is the best way I could describe it, but he controlled it. So there never was the chance for working through our problems. because he never talked about them.
And yeah, I'm very, very ok now :) I'm loving life right now